Not sure on anything any more…

Hate feeling so disheartened by something I love so much. Sometimes, I wonder why I have these words in my head, itching to get them down on paper when it feels like they’ll never make it anywhere, like no one is interested in reading them. I give so much of myself, and ask nothing in return and this is beginning to wear me down. I’ve not written properly in months, and the characters no longer want to speak to me as they used to. I know some of the ideas I’ve had and run with are not for everyone, and never will be. But the ideas I have had, that I know are along the lines of something more widely acceptable, are rejected before they can even be read. This is actually making me ponder stopping writing. No longer getting words down, and just concentrating on other things. Five years of writing novels…
and I feel like I’ve achieved nothing but an increased sensitivity to the rejections. The critiques that make me feel like crying. The way that other people are always picked ahead of me. I’m always the one in the background, and I just cannot do it any longer, not without really beginning to struggle with who I am. Not even sure I have it in me right now to do the Camp NaNoWriMo’s…or even NaNoWriMo in November. I just don’t see the point in breaking my own heart with characters I love but no one else cares about. Maybe I am better off just helping someone else, and the thoughts of my own skills are where I’ve highly overestimated what I write.

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